The first time you have vaginal sex, it may hurt, or feel good, or both. There might be pain and bleeding the first time a penis or fingers go into your vagina, but it doesn’t happen to everybody. Some people naturally have more hymenal tissue than others — this pain and bleeding can happen when their hymen gets stretched.
If pain and bleeding doesn’t get better after the first time you have vaginal sex (penis-in-vagina), you can slowly stretch your hymen tissue with your fingers over time to make it less painful. In rare cases, people may need to see a doctor for a small procedure to open their hymen. If you’re worried about your hymen or have pain during sex, talk with your doctor or visit your local Planned Parenthood health center.
You may also have pain or irritation during vaginal sex if your vagina isn’t lubricated (wet) enough. It’s totally normal to not have a lot of vaginal lubrication, and it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you or your partner. Using lube can help make sex more comfortable. It may also help to wait until you’re fully turned-on before putting anything in your vagina.
For people with a penis, penis-in-vagina sex isn’t usually painful. Sometimes friction during sex causes irritation on your penis, but using lube can fix this. If you have pain in your penis or genitals during sex, it could be a sign that something’s wrong. Go to a nurse, doctor, or your local Planned Parenthood health center to get checked out.
Anal sex may hurt the first time (and every time) if you don’t use lube. The skin on your anus and rectum is delicate, and it doesn’t make its own lubrication the way vaginas do. So using lube reduces friction, which helps prevent pain and tearing.
Going slowly and making sure you’re relaxed are also important. Some people don’t ever like the way anal sex feels, even if they do all these things — that’s totally normal and okay.
Nobody should have sex that feels uncomfortable or painful. If something hurts, stop. And if you’re having pain during any type of sex that doesn’t go away, visit your doctor or your local Planned Parenthood health center.
Richard Siaw
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Your exploration of this question from both a physical and emotional standpoint was really enlightening. It’s so important to have open and honest conversations about sex and intimacy, and your willingness to dive into this topic head-on is commendable.